I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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