I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
