you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
