Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
