I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
