Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
