Umm I'm too high to move.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we're making bets on your personal life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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