meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
