She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize