but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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