I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
