I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
