there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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