she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
