if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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