you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
do herpes really smell.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
