Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
