Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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