Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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