Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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