i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
