We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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