Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
