i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
