I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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