the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
