from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
