My sheets look like a crime scene.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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