found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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