my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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