Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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