mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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