Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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