he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
