nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
