I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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