Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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You. Win. At. Life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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