I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
