Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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