Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
