i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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