I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
