youre lurking in front of me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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