i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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