at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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