need another drink. this is the easiest way
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
birth control should be required to get into college
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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