So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
