Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
