I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
