my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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