Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize