does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
