So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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