I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
