I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
