i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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