Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she woke up with a sticky ear
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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