How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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