If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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