is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize